A Pain That I'm Used To

The namesake of this blog is from a Depeche Mode song on the Playing the Angel album. I chose this song because I'm a huge DM fan from way back, but this album came out right before my 1 year wedding anniversary. The song and the whole album highlight the transition between my old, established "Me" and the supposedly more sophisticated construct that was becoming an "Us."

"Why is this a good name for my blog?" I have so much cynicism and frustration and disenfranchisement mixed with deep faith in God's plan, intense love for my wife, and a compelling motive to challenge myself to improve. I'm struggling constantly with this familiar feeling of being inadequately prepared for my lifestyle. I get that feeling from this song- the struggle mixed with the understanding that there is in fact good inherently built into the love and sex experiment we call marriage. DM is a mature band and I appreciate their lyrical depth. The musical power of the song sets the mood for where I'm starting this journey.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for anymore
I just know that I'm harder to console
I don't see who I'm trying to be instead of me
But the key is a question of control

Can you say what you're trying to play anyway
I just pay while you're breaking all the rules
All the signs that I find have been underlined
Devils thrive on the drive that is fueled

All this running around, well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
I don't need to believe all the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve something that rings true

There's a hole in your soul like an animal
With no conscience, repentance unknown
Close your eyes, pay the price for your paradise
Devils feed on the seeds that are sown

I can't conceal what I feel, what I know is real
No mistaking the faking, I care
With a prayer in the air I will leave it there
On a note full of hope not despair

All this running around, well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
I don't need to believe all the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve something that rings true

All this running around, well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
I don't need to believe all the dreams you concieve
You just need to achieve something that rings true