A Sure Thing

Is there such a thing as a "Sure Thing?" Prom night, Wedding night, Birthday, Anniversary? Is there ever a time when you just don't have to work really hard to get some action. You can just wake up in the morning and know it's going to happen- just because it's your turn today. Is it just a myth? Strangely, New Years Eve seems to be the closest thing we have.

The Wifey and I have been watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. One episode introduced the relationship concept of Reachers and Settlers, meaning there is always someone who has to try hard to impress someone who is "better" than the Reacher. I feel that way a lot. Admittedly, I married up, socio-economically, but Wifey has let herself go physically and Daddy in-law isn't paying  her way since we got married (aside from some crisis bailouts). Ultimately her standard of living went down and mine stayed the same or improved, depending on how you look at it.

Don't be alarmed, I'm not going to go into an economics rant right now. This is indeed about sex, but I believe one half of every romantic couple perceives his or her sexual value as higher. Is there any occasion where that farcical sexual value goes out the window? There should be and I'm really frustrated that I can't explain that to her without having the "I have no way of knowing what works for you because of too many extenuating circumstances" talk, again. It's not that I don't have "Game," because I do. Nothing seems to work on her anymore in terms of putting on the moves. Sometimes I want to not have to put on the moves and simply enjoy the fact that I supposedly won the game when I put the ring on it.



Speaking of extenuating circumstances...She wants to go out on dates, but she gets diarrhea when we eat at most restaurants- even if she gets over that by the time we go to a movie and get home- I know she's been leaking fecal matter from 2 inches below her vagina in uncontrollable bursts- define "Deal Breaker!" That event has played out countless times, seriously, more than I can count- perhaps you could call that a "Sure Thing." We can eat at home- I can do all the work (prep and cleanup)- and she's still not happy. A night together at home isn't worthy because it didn't cost enough money and a typical night out costs a lot of money and is almost certainly going to fail- based on 8 years of statistical analysis. (I'm going to skip the dirty hippy health and nutrition being a huge interpersonal incongruence rant for another day too.)

It's not even that I want it to be a definite Go For Launch each time we have a date night, but I'm sick of the pity and the false pretenses. I keep coming back to honesty in this blog, perhaps that's the key here. I don't deal well with veiled meanings. Typing that sentence underlines how much I think like a dude too, which probably isn't helping much!




"Sure Thing"

Love You Like a Brother
Treat you like a friend
Respect you like a lover

You could bet that
Never gotta sweat that [x4]

If you be the cash
I'll be the rubberband
You be the match
Imma be your fuse
Boom!
Painter baby you
Could be the muse
I'm the reporter baby
You could be the news
Cause your the cigarette
And I'm the smoker
We raise a bet...
Cause you're tha joker
Truth tho...
You are the chalk
And I could be the blackboard
And you can be the talk
And I could be the walk

Even when the sky comes falling
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty little hand in mine
Even when we're down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it baby simple and plain

Cause This Love Is a Sure Thing

You could bet that
Never got to sweat that [x4]

You could be the lover
I'll be the fighter babe
If I'm the blunt
You could be the lighter babe
Fire it up!
Writer babe
You could be the quote
If I'm the lyric baby
You could be the note
Record that!
Saint, I'm a sinner
Prize, I'm a winner
And it's you
What can I do to deserve that
Paper baby
I'll be the pen
Say that I'm the one
Cause you are ten
real and not pretend!

Even when the sky comes fallin
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty lil hand in mine
Even when were down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it babe simple and plain
Cause this love is a sure thing

Rock wit me baby
Let me hold you in my arms
Talk with me baby
[x2]

This love
Between you and I
As simple as pie baby
Such a sure thing
Oh is it a sure thing [x2]

Even when the sky comes fallin
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty little hand in mine
Even when we're down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it baby simple and plain
This love is a sure thing
Love you like a brother
Treat you like a friend
Respect you like a lover 

Kiss and Makeup

I've always hated makeup on women. When a woman puts on lipstick to impress a guy, it doesn't make a guy want to kiss her- it makes him want to put his dick in her mouth. Lipstick tastes bad and is messy. As soon as the kiss happens, the illusion of larger, perfectly shaped lips is gone. True, most dudes won't stop making out with a chick if they find a tiny flaw in the lips, but who wants to be duped in the first place? Just be honest.

Makeup is fun for actors or for Halloween- to make yourself something you aren't. Sexiness comes from healthy, vibrant, truth that can only come from honesty. Thankfully the Wifey never used much makeup and my dirty hippy side appreciates that immensely. Recently, she started selling Mary Kay cosmetic products and is supposed to wear the products everywhere she goes- DOH!

Sure she looks good and wears it well, but I hate the fact that she spends 20 minutes at a time putting on her face and knows that I don't give a fuck about it- but always asks me how she looks anyway. I hate that I have to wipe off my face and or lips every time she kisses me goodbye to leave the house. I hate that she smells like makeup now all day every day- like my mother and grandmother, because scent is so closely tied to memory.

I also hate that I'm so conflicted about this. My punky side says she's selling out and following convention and trying to look "normal." Wifey doesn't have a punky side. Likewise, I think it's quite sexy that Wifey is working so hard, trying to contribute to our combined happiness both financially and socially. It's sexy that she's trying to look nice and wear professional style clothes more often. I guess I'm trying to say I am having to pick my battles carefully.

Bubblegum, for example, makes me want to wretch. If she is chewing it, she knows I don't want to have anything to do with her, much less her kisses. Makeup isn't that strong of a deterrent, but I need to decide if it's worth "training" her to kiss me before she gets made up for the day and then not kissing me again until after she washes it all off at night- that's going to go well.

Nutritional Viagra

I'm trying to bone up on my reproductive nutrition- for the procreative side and the recreational side of sex. For example, I frequently see that Zinc is an important mineral for dudes. I also just learned from The Tao of Health, Sex, and Longevity that Lecithin is a vital fat for the production of semen and spinal fluid. Lecithin with Vitamin C is supposed to make a person smarter, due to increased spinal fluid, and nervous tissue communication. Muscle and Strength states that, "For men, the male semen contains a considerable amount of lecithin. If you supplement your diet with soy lecithin you may be able to increase the amount, as well as the volume of prostate secretions. This means that the volume of semen when you ejaculate will be increased."

According to Master Men's Clinic, "...it is true that a man’s feeling of orgasmic pleasure is in part attributable to the volume of ejaculate: the greater the volume of ejaculate the more intense the orgasm." AskMen adds, "Increased volume translates into increased potency (the more sperm, the better the chance of impregnation) and increased pleasure (the larger the volume, the greater number of pleasurable muscle contractions)."

I also just learned from Fertile Facts that "A study published in 2002 examined the effect of folic acid and zinc sulfate on male factor subfertility. This large, well-designed clinical trial found a 74% increase in total normal sperm when subfertile men took 66 mg of zinc sulfate and 5 mg of folic acid daily. Sperm count also increased in fertile men, but this was not statistically significant."

Spinach and Arugula eaten together in a very green salad should provide those nutrients. Parsley would help too.

Thanks to Zestful Gardens in Tacoma, Washington for this pic from their recipes page

Water is another key ingredient. According to China Daily's Lifestyle/Health page, "Phenylethylamine is known as the 'love drug'. It is a chemical that mimics the brain chemistry of a person in love and is believed to be the body's natural version of amphetamine...To maintain production of this love drug we need to eat well and stay hydrated...Hydration is so important. Sex is like a game of tennis – it can go on for quite some time and be pretty hot and sweaty, so if you're dehydrated you'll tire easily and it'll be game over all too soon.". Watermelon has cancer fighting compounds which positively affect prostate health and obviously provides hydration as well. Watermelon also has arginine, and Elements4Health tells us that "A study of 50 men with impotence reported significant improved sexual function after arginine supplementation." Let's add that to the list of sexual boosters.

Blood quality and the overall circulatory system is vital to sustaining healthy erections, so Beet juice and leafy greens, like Kale, for iron are prominently featured in my diet.

It's not nutrition, but I also frequently see the advice to wear loose fitting underwear so that the testicles can maintain their cooler than body temperature, temperature. That's easy enough.

Last but not least...Frequency of climax directly affects the volume and quality of the ejaculate. With that logic, the vaguely monthly sex I have should be keeping me brimming with fluids.  That's turning a frown upside down for sure!